This week has been one of the toughest week I have experienced. I do not know how I can put it all down to words and I do not think i have enough vocabularies in my dictionary to describe it all.

But what I can say is this, it has been a very challenging 48 hours. I questioned so much about my calling, my wanting to come back and serve here, my worth and disappointments. I have never felt so "insulted" and hurt in my lifetime as a full-time worker. I came face to face with the worst nightmare any full-time workers feared most - their worth!!!

However, after licking my wounds and spending time alone with God, I realized that this is just the beginning of things to come this year. This is the year of the Lord. I kept praying, why all this at this point of time. "I do not understand, Lord?" Then He gently reveal things to me about the heart of man. We all can be Christians but it is the dark corners of the heart which has not been surrendered to God will test our true character. We all desire and know that we want to be more like Christ, but so few of us understands what it truly means. We talk as if its a one time deal and nothing to work for after our conversion.

It is those secret sins, those hurts, bitterness, forgiveness and anger that will prevent us from experiencing true freedom and the true love from God. We become so enveloped in our own wants, hurt and dismay, that we do not allow others to see, not even God. We become one track mind

A one track mind; when thoughts and reasoning's are unopened for other suggestions. It is when no other idea or suggestion can open the door of a closed mind. There’s only enough room for one track thinking.

That’s the case with a wife who is justifying leaving her husband because he is not meeting her emotional needs. There’s no Biblical reason for divorce, but the justifications are riding on a one track mind and the door is locked for anyone to offer alternative solutions.

I’m glad Jesus did’t justify His position and bail out!
Mark 14:32They went to a place called Gethsemane, and Jesus said to his disciples, “Sit here while I pray.” 33He took Peter, James and John along with him, and he began to be deeply distressed and troubled. 34″My soul is overwhelmed with sorrow to the point of death,” he said to them. “Stay here and keep watch.” 35Going a little farther, he fell to the ground and prayed that if possible the hour might pass from him. 36″Abba,Father,” he said, “everything is possible for you. Take this cup from me. Yet not what I will, but what you will.”

Jesus, unlike our self centered processes, did not blur the line between His humanity and "yielded-ness" to His Father. There are times where my justification of reasoning blurs my conscience. It is then the devil seeks to blind my blurred spiritual senses. The result: I justify wrong thinking and actions. I know I’m wrong, but I seem to bail out on Godly convictions.

ACTION STEPS:
1. Even Jesus was deeply distressed and confessed His overwhelming state of mind to others. So must I.
2. Jesus asked for help from His disciples, to watch and pray. He sought His Father, in desperation. So must I.
3. Jesus acknowledged His Father’s omnipotence and yielded to His Fathers will. So must I.

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